Another school year is about to be put into the books, which means it is just about time for Awards Day. 

That makes me grateful to be retired. I hated it. 

In fairness to my negativity, it should be mentioned that most of the kids didn’t seem to like it any more than I did. And most of the adults who showed up didn’t look any happier than they might at a PTA meeting. 

As celebrations go, this one was a little shy of feeling “special.” This is partly because of one of those unwritten rules of real education: It is easier to come up with some sort of award than it is to explain to a mother why her child didn’t get one.  

The result is a ceremony that amounts to calling roll, except instead of answering “here,” the student walks across the stage and gets an envelope.  

I am fine with this to a certain extent. I have no problem with participation awards, as long as they are given to students who participated. Or at least who gave it a try. Not all did, but all got envelopes. 

You may also have heard that behavior is an issue in public schools — possibly THE biggest issue. You wouldn’t guess it by what happens on Awards Day. I have handed certificates of achievement to kids who not only didn’t achieve anything but who did their best to keep the rest of us from doing so.  

And here’s some inside teacher stuff: Not all those kids with the fattest envelopes and the most certificates are students who were delightful to have in class. Being an overachiever and being a disrespectful little snot are not mutually exclusive. 

The problem is that the awards are not reflective of the real value of the kids. So, in addition to that already tediously long list of honors, I would like to add one more: The Kid You Are Most Going to Hate to See Walk Out the Door for the Last Time.  

There are kids who might not have much else in their envelopes because what they bring isn’t graded and can’t be measured. The principal might not even know their names because they’ve never been sent to her office. 

They just do what they can and generally do it respectfully, hardly ever complain about what’s on their plate in the cafeteria, wait their turn, rarely expect more than they have coming and then are willing to share, and they make the day better just by showing up and being part of it.  

Each teacher could give five points to a student from his or her class and one point each to five kids who made a positive impression in a neutral area, like the hallway, cafeteria, or on a field trip. Teachers know who these students are. Vote for the ones that make you say, “I wish that kid was in my class.” 

Nobody would know who won until the day of the awards, so this would add an element of suspense. And just to spice things up a bit, instead of a certificate or a ribbon the school board should put a small cash award in the envelope. Just a token amount – say, $45,000 or so.  

I didn’t just grab a number at random. That’s about how much extra they would have had to pay me to be a teacher if it weren’t for kids like this.  

Plus, such an award would be educational. It would teach some of those kids with fat envelopes and bad attitudes what the word “achievement” really means.