I did a presentation for a civic group a couple of weeks ago, something they called a speech, but which was mostly just me reading my notes out loud. It was about as unremarkable as it sounds, except for one thing.  

When it was over, a woman in the audience called me a liar.  

She didn’t come right out and say those words, but the accusation was clear. “You don’t look anything like your picture in the paper!” It was said with sort of a “harrumph,” like she had caught me trying to pull something over on people. 

She was right, sort of. At the time she was looking at me, I didn’t look like the picture she was thinking about, which is the one that usually runs at the top of this column. When I started, the editors needed a photo. I was on a golf trip, so I got a friend to take one out on the course. I was a little weathered, had taken off my prescription sunglasses and hat so I wouldn’t look like a thug and was squinting a little. 

It’s not one of my favorite photos, but there’s no doubt that it is what I looked like. As unflattering as it is and as much as I hate to admit it, that photo probably looks better than I look right now, first thing in the morning, sleepy-eyed, unshaven and with bed hair.  

People in the neighborhood only see me when I am working in the yard, which is like golf except in a dirtier shirt with no collar. They wouldn’t recognize me if I wasn’t holding a rake or dragging a water hose, scratching a bug bite, sweating and bleeding from a few thorn scratches.  

That is not what I look like when my wife dresses me up and reminds me to comb my hair, which is what happens when I give speeches. If one of my neighbors had seen me behind the microphone that night, they might have said, “you don’t look anything like the guy out in his yard with a rake.” 

So, which image is the most honest and which has been “touched up”? 

This is an interesting question in light of a recent rash of people having cartoonish “glamor shots” of themselves generated, I believe, by Artificial Intelligence. I’m not sure about that part, but it would make sense. I can’t see anybody with any real intelligence wasting time creating something like this. 

I’ve seen half a dozen of these and what they amount to is, “this is what I would look like if I was 30 pounds thinner, 20 years younger, with better posture, smooth and silky hair, bright shiny teeth, a flat belly, flawless skin and no extra flesh hanging from my armsand chin.” All the things I’m not. 

These are great pictures — they just don’t happen to much resemble the people who are purported to be in them.  

So, what is the point — to impress people you haven’t met and to ensure that if you ever do meet they will be disappointed? 

I’m not seeing the advantage here. But not making sense has never stopped anybody from doing something trendy, so I got a computer to generate an image for me. It’s at the top of this column.  

If you see a guy who looks like that in a bar or restaurant, it might be me. Go over and introduce yourself and strike up a conversation. Just don’t believe a word he says. People who will lie about what they look like are not to be trusted.