By Jake Vest
Job One is remembering about how much 550 words is.
Or should that be “how many 550 words are”? Okay, Job Two would be to remember enough grammar to get by.
The prospect of doing a newspaper column again reminds me of all sorts of jobs that come with the territory — for the writer. Readers only have one: Figuring out whether the written stuff is worth their time and attention.
In many ways, that is an extension of the question, “says who?”
Since there is no reason to expect anybody to remember that I used to do a job that I can barely remember doing, some introduction is in order.
My name is Jake Vest. It appeared thousands of times in the upper right-hand corner of the nationally syndicated cartoon “That’s Jake.” It was also on several newspaper columns across a 32-year career as well as on the cover of a few books.
I worked for the Orlando Sentinel back when it was the Sentinel Star. Stayed over 30 years, much of it writing about and drawing scenes from Apopka.
That is the resume. So, you might ask, “When does he get to the interesting part?”
Well, I once shot pool with Toby Keith, shot clay targets with Louise Mandrell and shot the breeze at a cocktail party with Bob Hope and Gen. William Westmoreland. Nixon was my Commander in Chief when I got drafted. Dolly Parton’s brother was my boss on my first job after the Army. Her dad was our concrete finisher.
We built the bridge at Exit 398 on I-40 just east of Knoxville. It still stands, but I wouldn’t drive too fast over it if I was you. Bridge building made a college student out of me – sort of. I attended some classes and all the football games starting in 1968, but didn’t graduate until 2004, taking a short break to have a career.
The Columbus Ledger-Enquirer in Georgia may have been under the impression that I had a diploma, but that was a misunderstanding. Possibly due to my telling them that I had one.
My first job was at the hometown paper of Jimmy Carter while he was running for president. I have had very little interest in politics ever since. I was at a dinner once with both Joe Biden and John McCain but cannot recall a word either of them said.
For a dozen years I was in an elementary school classroom, supposedly teaching. I wasn’t always sure about that, but the state was. I got three or four High Impact Teacher awards from a couple of governors. I wrote a fourth-grade musical that included the song “Our Teacher’s a Man and He’s Older Than Dirt.” I also wrote a rap song about math.
What can you expect from me? I intend to write just like I would talk to you if we were sitting on the porch, talking about things that interest me, which is just about everything I’ve run across so far. Things I’ve seen, things I continue to see, stuff that matters to real people—everything from education to the price of eggs, good biscuits and bad TV.
I can’t be sure of all of it because I haven’t seen everything yet and I am not about to quit looking.
Let’s just say we will treat you so many ways you are bound to like some of them.
